Spoiler alert! If you are now or ever were a believer in Santa Claus, this post may disrupt your space-time continuum to one degree or another. You’ve been warned.

Santa Claus is dead and buried in Saline County, Missouri. Or Rockingham County, North Carolina. Or Akron, Oho. It depends on which Santa Claus you’re looking for. There are quite literally hundreds of Santas listed in Ancestry.com’s databases.

None of them, interestingly enough, list The North Pole as a home address. And in the case of the Missouri Claus’s’s’s… all of them list their occupation as “None.” So’s not to be bothered during the off-season, no doubt.

Since the 1930 census data is a little blurry on the photo at left, here are the particulars:

• Santa Claus 42 Head
• Mabel Claus 36 Wife
• William Claus 15 Son
• Raymond Claus 12 Son
• Fred Claus 9 Son
• Joseph Claus 6 Son
• James Claus 3 Son
• Dorthey Claus Daughter

Fred Claus was clearly named for Santa’s bitter older brother, played by Vince Vaughn in the 2007 movie of the same name.

In the United States Obituary Collection, I found a heartwarming obituary for Philipe Joseph “Frenchy” Beauchamp, aka the Kaikoo Mall Santa. Now there’s a Santa who knows how to retire.

Philipe Joseph Beauchamp
May 3, 2007
Philipe Joseph “Frenchy” Beauchamp, 79, of Pahoa, Hawaii, a retired Frenchy’s Hydraulic Repairs owner and former Kaikoo Mall Santa Claus, died in Hilo Medical Center. He was born in Morinville, Canada. He is survived by wife Ruth; son Robert; daughters Marilyn Moss, Geraldine Holmes and Jill Wade; brother Arthur; 14 grandchildren; and five great-grandchildren. No services.

There are a few glitches in the Ancestry database, however, as evidenced by the alleged Santa obituary out of Boseman, Montana, which was neither Boseman NOR an obituary…

Alleged Santa Claus flasher arrested again
RAYMOND, N.H. – A Massachusetts man arrested for allegedly dropping his pants while dressed as Santa Claus has been arrested again.

Raymond High School Principal Michael Shore says people initially thought 52-year-old Richard Mullen was looking for his child when they saw him walking around the school on Tuesday morning. Shore said police were called to the school after Mullen couldn’t come up with a name.

Mullen, of Malden, Mass., pleaded not guilty on Tuesday to one charge of criminal trespassing. Bail was set at $1,000. As a condition of bail, Mullen was ordered to stay 100 yards away from any Raymond school.

His trial was scheduled for Jan. 6.

In the earlier incident, Mullen was arrested Dec. 4 at the Mall at Rockingham Park after shoppers said they saw a man, dressed as Santa Claus, drop his pants. Police say Mullen was wearing sweat pants under his costume. They charged him with disorderly conduct. Mullen was not working at the mall at the time.
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Now that’s just wrong on so many levels. Here’s hoping you get a visit from the real deal on Christmas Eve! With all these Santas in the records, you just KNOW there’s an original descendant at the North Pole as we speak.

Cheers!
Rick